Sheldon: Oh, well, this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.
Leonard: [discussing Sheldon's work] At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions to get the math to work.
Sheldon: I didn't invent them. They're there.
Leonard: Yeah? In what universe?
Sheldon: In all of them, that's the point!
Leonard: Why did you just flash freeze a banana?
Leslie: I'm having it with my cereal and I couldn't find a knife.
Sheldon: [to engineers] Hello, Oompa Loompas of science!
Leonard: You wanna talk about not getting love from a parent, you know what I used to do when I was little to have some sensation of human contact?
Penny: Yeah you grabbed your penis and wouldn't let go.
Penny: ...Your mother told me.
Leonard: Course she did. Anyway that's not what I was gonna say. When I was 10 years old, I built a hugging machine.
Penny: A hugging machine?
Leonard: Yeah, I got a dressmakers mannequin, I stuffed it with an electric blanket so it would be warm and I built two radio-controlled arms that would hug me and pat my back.
Penny: That is so sad.
Leonard: You know what the saddest part was?
Penny: What?
Leonard: My father used to borrow it.
Sheldon: I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns to its original trajectory and adheres to you.
Leslie: [sarcastically] Ouch!
Howard Wolowitz: [interpreting Raj's whisper] Oh, he was just comparing Sheldon to a feminine cleansing product one might use on a summer's eve.
Penny: And the bag it came in.
[repeated line when someone accuses Sheldon of being crazy]
Sheldon: I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested!
[repeated line when Sheldon knocks on Penny's door]
Sheldon: [Knock-knock-knock] Penny!
Sheldon: [Knock-knock-knock] Penny!
Sheldon: [Knock-knock-knock] Penny!
[repeated line when Sheldon tells a sarcastic joke]
Sheldon: Bazinga!
Penny: So, what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-Men?
Sheldon: No. The X-Men were named after the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men.
Howard Wolowitz: [as Sheldon walks away] Oh, that's not a good name.
Sheldon: You're not done with her, are you?
Leonard Hofstadter: Our babies are gonna be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.
Penny: Look, Sheldon's hugging me!
Leonard Hofstadter: It's a Saturnalia miracle!
Leonard Hofstadter: [repeated line whenever Sheldon is about to begin a long rant] Here we go.
Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
Leonard: I did a bad thing.
Sheldon: Does it affect me?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Then suffer in silence.
Sheldon: I know the real reason you never made progress with that idea. You thought of it September 22nd, 2007. Two days later, Penny moved in and so much blood rushed to your genitals, your brain became a ghost town.
Leonard: You'll never guess what just happened.
Sheldon: You went out in the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal, which brought you 5,000 years into the future, where you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back, to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we are transported to work at the think-a-torium by telepathically controlled flying dolphins?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Awww.
Leonard: Penny kissed me.
Sheldon: Who would ever guess that?
Penny: Oh, big deal. Not knowing is part of the fun.
Sheldon: "Not knowing is part of the fun." Was that the motto of your community college?
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
Sheldon: This is Leonard. He's your best friend in the world.
Leonard: All right, just stop. This is ridiculous.
Sheldon: Sometimes he gets cranky, but you can trust him with your life. And he does more things for you than I can even begin to list.
Leonard: Thank you.
Zack: You know, I saw this great thing on the Discovery Channel. Turns out if you kill a starfish it'll just come back to life.
Sheldon: Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.
Текст песни из сериала «Теория большого взрыва»
[singing opening title theme]
Ed Robertson: Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state / Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started - Wait! / The Earth began to cool / The autotrophs began to drool / Neanderthals developed tools / We built the Wall
Rest of Barenaked Ladies: We built the pyramids
Ed Robertson, Rest of Barenaked Ladies: Math, Science, History / Unraveling the mystery / That all started with a big
Ed Robertson: bang.
Rest of Barenaked Ladies: Bang!
