Lt. Aldo Raine: Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Nazi scalps... and I want my scalps!
[from trailer]
Adolf Hitler: [slamming his hand on a table] Nein nein nein nein nein nein!
[from trailer]
Lt. Aldo Raine: The German will be sickened by us, the German will talk about us, and the German will fear us.
Lt. Aldo Raine: My name is Lt. Aldo Raine and I'm putting together a special team, and I need me eight soldiers. Eight Jewish-American soldiers. Now, y'all might've heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're gonna be dropped into France, dressed as civilians. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin' guerrilla army, we're gonna be doin' one thing and one thing only... killin' Nazis. Now, I don't know about y'all, but I sure as hell didn't come down from the goddamn Smoky Mountains, cross five thousand miles of water, fight my way through half of Sicily and jump out of a fuckin' air-o-plane to teach the Nazis lessons in humanity. Nazi ain't got no humanity. They're the foot soldiers of a Jew-hatin', mass murderin' maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why any and every every son of a bitch we find wearin' a Nazi uniform, they're gonna die. Now, I'm the direct descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridger. That means I got a little Injun in me. And our battle plan will be that of an Apache resistance. We will be cruel to the Germans, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the German won't not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the German will be sickened by us, and the German will talk about us, and the German will fear us. And when the German closes their eyes at night and they're tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?
The Basterds: YES, SIR!
Lt. Aldo Raine: That's what I like to hear. But I got a word of warning for all you would-be warriors. When you join my command, you take on debit. A debit you owe me personally. Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Nazi scalps. And I want my scalps. And all y'all will git me one hundred Nazi scalps, taken from the heads of one hundred dead Nazis. Or you will die tryin'.
Lt. Aldo Raine: You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business; we in the killin' Nazi business. And cousin, Business is a-boomin'.
Col. Hans Landa: What a tremendously hostile world that a rat must endure. Yet not only does he survive, he thrives. Because our little foe has an instinct for survival and preservation second to none... And that Monsieur is what a Jew shares with a rat.
Bridget von Hammersmark: There have been two recent developments regarding Operation Kino. One, the venue has been changed from the Ritz to a much smaller venue.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Enormous changes at the last minute? That's not very "Germatic." Why the hell is Goebbels doing stuff so damn peculiar?
Bridget von Hammersmark: It probably has something to do with the second development.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Which is?
Bridget von Hammersmark: [sits up] The Führer is attending the premiere.
Lt. Aldo Raine: [Drawing a map] Up the road apiece, there's a orchard. Now, besides you, we know there's another kraut patrol fuckin' here somewhere. Now if that patrol were to have any crackshots, that orchard would be a goddamn sniper's delight. Now if you ever want to eat a sauerkraut sandwich again, you gotta show me on this map where they are, you gotta tell me how many there are, and you gotta tell me what kinda artillery they're carrying with 'em.
Sgt. Werner Rachtman: You can't expect me to divulge information that would put German lives in danger?
Lt. Aldo Raine: Well Werner, that's where you're wrong, because that's exactly what I expect. I need to about Germans hiding in them trees, and you need to tell me, and you need to tell me. And you need to tell me right now. Now take your finger and point out on this map where this party's being held, how many's coming, and what they brought to play with.
Sgt. Werner Rachtman: I respectfully refuse.
Lt. Aldo Raine: [a smack is heard offscreen] Here that? That's Sgt. Donny Donowitz. But you might know him better by his nickname. The Bear Jew. Now, if you heard of Aldo the Apache, you gotta have heard of the Bear Jew.
Sgt. Werner Rachtman: I have heard of the Bear Jew.
Lt. Aldo Raine: What did you hear about him, Werner?
Sgt. Werner Rachtman: He beats German soldiers with a club.
Lt. Aldo Raine: He bashes their brains in with a baseball bat is what he does. Now, Werner, I'm gonna ask you one more goddamn time, and if you still "respectfully refuse," I'm callin' the Bear Jew over here, and he's gonna take that big-ole bat of his, and he's gonna beat you to death with it. Now take your wiener schnitzel lickin' finger and point out on this map what I want to know.
Sgt. Werner Rachtman: Fuck you.
[pause]
Sgt. Werner Rachtman: And your Jew dogs!
[the Basterds all laugh]
Lt. Aldo Raine: Actually, Werner, we're all tickled to here you say that. Frankly, watchin' Donny beat Nazis to death is is the closest we ever get to goin' to the movies.
[Calling offscreen]
Lt. Aldo Raine: DONNY!
Sgt. Donny Donowitz: [From offscreen] Yeah?
Lt. Aldo Raine: We got a German here who wants to die for his country! Oblige him!
Col. Hans Landa: [giddy] That's a bingo!
Lt. Aldo Raine: [Lt. Aldo and PFC. Utivich stare at him in confusion]
Col. Hans Landa: Is that the way you say it: "That's a bingo?"
Lt. Aldo Raine: You just say "bingo".
Col. Hans Landa: Ahhh! BINGO! What fun! But, I digress. Where were we?
[Maj. Hellstrom aims his Walther at Lt. Hicox's genitals under a table]
Major Dieter Hellstrom: That was the sound of my Walther pointed right at your testicles.
Lt. Archie Hicox: Why do you have a Luger pointed at my testicles?
Major Dieter Hellstrom: Because you've just given yourself away, Captain. You're no more German than that scotch.
Lt. Archie Hicox: Well, Major...
Bridget von Hammersmark: Major...
Major Dieter Hellstrom: Shut up, slut. You were saying?
Lt. Archie Hicox: I was saying that that makes two of us. I've had a gun pointed at your balls since you sat down.
Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz: That makes three of us.
[Stiglitz takes Hellstrom by the shoulder and aggresively forces a gun against his crotch]
Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz: And at this range, I'm a real Frederick Zoller.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: Looks like we have a bit of a sticky situation here.
Shosanna Dreyfus: [to Fredrick] If you are so desperate for a French girlfriend, I suggest you try Vichy.
Col. Hans Landa: Now if one were to determine what attribute the German people share with a beast, it would be the cunning and the predatory instinct of a hawk. But if one were to determine what attributes the Jews share with a beast, it would be that of the rat. If a rat were to walk in here right now as I'm talking, would you treat it to a saucer of your delicious milk?
Perrier LaPadite: Probably not.
Col. Hans Landa: I didn't think so. You don't like them. You don't really know why you don't like them. All you know is you find them repulsive. Consequently, a German soldier conducts a search of a house suspected of hiding Jews. Where does the hawk look? He looks in the barn, he looks in the attic, he looks in the cellar, he looks everywhere *he* would hide, but there's so many places it would never occur to a hawk to hide. However, the reason the Führer's brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me. Because I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity.
Fredrick Zoller: Who wants to send a message to Germany?
Col. Hans Landa: What's that English saying about shoes and feet?
Lt. Aldo Raine: "Looks like the shoe's on the other foot." Yeah, I was just thinking that.
Lt. Aldo Raine: You see, we're in the business of killin' Nazis, and boy, business is boomin'.
Sgt. Donny Donowitz: We punch those goons out, take their machine guns, and burst in there blasting!
Narrator: The reason for Hugo Stiglitz's celebrity among German soldiers is simple. As a German enlisted man, he killed thirteen Gestapo officers, mostly Majors. Instead of putting him up against a wall, the High Command decided to send him back to Berlin, to be made an example of. Needless to say, once the Basterds heard of him, he never got there.
Col. Hans Landa: May I smoke my pipe as well?
Perrier LaPadite: Please, Cononel, make yourself at home.
[Hans pulls out a very large pipe five times the size of Perrier's]
Sgt. Donny Donowitz: Fuck a duck!
Lt. Aldo Raine: [Aldo shoots Hans' driver Hermann, and gives Utivich a knife] Scalp Hermann.
Col. Hans Landa: Are you mad? What have you done? I made a deal with your general for that man's life!
Lt. Aldo Raine: Yeah, they made that deal, but they don't give a fuck about him. They need you.
Col. Hans Landa: You'll be shot for this!
Lt. Aldo Raine: Nah, I don't think so. More like chewed out. I've been chewed out before.
Col. Hans Landa: [to Shosanna] Wait for the cream...
Lt. Aldo Raine: You didn't say the goddamn rendezvous was in a fuckin' basement.
Lt. Archie Hicox: I didn't know.
Lt. Aldo Raine: You said it was in a tavern.
Lt. Archie Hicox: It is a tavern.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Yeah, in a basement. You know, fightin' in a basement offers a lot of difficulties. Number one being, you're fightin' in a basement!
Sgt. Donny Donowitz: Speaking of Frau von Hammersmark, whose idea was it for the death trap rendezvous?
Lt. Archie Hicox: She chose the spot.
Sgt. Donny Donowitz: Well, isn't that just dandy.
Lt. Archie Hicox: Look, she's not a military strategist. She's just an actress.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Well, you don't got to be Stonewall Jackson to know you don't want to fight in a basement.
Francesca Mondino: Emanuelle, did you enjoy "Lucky Kids"?
Shosanna Dreyfus: I rather liked Lillian Harvey.
Joseph Goebbels: [suddenly] Lillian Harvey! Never mention that name in my presence!
Marcel: What the fuck are we supposed to do?
Shosanna Dreyfus: It looks like we're supposed to have a Nazi premiere.
Marcel: Like I said, what the fuck are we supposed to do?
Kliest: Mein Fuhrer, do you still wish to see Private Butz?
Adolf Hitler: Who and what is a "Private Butz"?
Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz: Say "auf Wiedersehen" to your Nazi balls!
Marcel: What are we talking about?
Shosanna Dreyfus: Filling the cinema with Nazis and burning it to the ground.
Marcel: I'm not talking about that. You're talking about that.
Col. Hans Landa: [to a bound and blindfolded Lt. Aldo] You are now in the hands of the SS.
[raises hands in a dramatic manner]
Col. Hans Landa: My hands, to be exact. And they've been waiting a long time to touch you.
[fingers reach out and poke Lt. Aldo in the face; Lt. Aldo flinches]
Col. Hans Landa: [chuckling] Caught you flinching.
[Lt. Aldo headbutts Col. Landa]
Shosanna Dreyfus: My name is Shosanna Dreyfus and THIS is the face... of Jewish vengeance!
Shosanna Dreyfus: You either do what the fuck we tell you, I'll bury this axe in your collaborating skull.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: [Hellstrom is trying to guess the famous person on his forehead, which is King Kong] I'll start, give you the idea. Am I German?
Bridget von Hammersmark: No.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: Am I American?
Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki: Wait a minute, he goes to...
Bridget von Hammersmark: Don't be ridiculous. Obviously I wasn't born in America.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: So, I visited America, yes?
Bridget von Hammersmark: Yes.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: Was this visit fortuitous?
Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki: Not for you.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: Now, gentlemen, around this time you could ask whether you're real or fictitious. I, however, think that's too easy, so I won't ask that yet. Okay, my native land is the jungle. I visited America, but the visit was not fortuitous to me, but the implication is that it was to somebody else. When I went from the jungle to America, did I go by boat?
Bridget von Hammersmark: Yes.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: Did I go against my will?
Bridget von Hammersmark: Yes.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: On this boat ride, was I in chains?
Bridget von Hammersmark: Yes.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: When I arrived in America, was I displayed in chains?
Bridget von Hammersmark: Yes!
Major Dieter Hellstrom: Am I the story of the negro in America?
Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki: No.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: Well, then, I must be King Kong.
Joseph Goebbels: You have opera boxes?
Shosanna Dreyfus: Oui.
Joseph Goebbels: How many?
Shosanna Dreyfus: Two.
Joseph Goebbels: More would be better.
Joseph Goebbels: [to Frederick] It seems I've created a monster. A strangely persuasive monster.
Sgt. Donny Donowitz: [Aldo is carving a swastika into Private Butz's forehead] You know, Lieutenant, you're getting pretty good at that.
Lt. Aldo Raine: You know how you get to Carnegie Hall, doncha? Practice.
Sgt. Donny Donowitz: After I kill that guy, you have 30 feet to get to that guy. Can you do it?
Pfc. Omar Ulmer: I have to.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Every German we meet wearing a Nazi uniform... they're gunna die.
Col. Hans Landa: You need all four to win the war.
Adolf Hitler: [at the premiere of "Nation's Pride"] Extraordinary, my dear. Simply extraordinary. This is your finest film yet.
Joseph Goebbels: [Goebbels' eyes fill with tears] Thank you, mein Fuhrer. Thank you.
[repeated line]
Lt. Aldo Raine: I'm gonna give you a little somethin' you can't take off.
Adolf Hitler: Kliest!
Kliest: Yes, mein Fuhrer?
Adolf Hitler: I have an order I want relayed to all German soldiers stationed in France. The Jew degenerate known as the Bear Jew henceforth is never to be referred to as the Bear Jew again. Did you get that, Kliest?
Kliest: Yes, mein Fuhrer.
Adolf Hitler: Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein! How much more of these Jew swine must I endure? They butcher my men like they were fish bait! I have heard the rumors myself! Soldiers of the Third Reich, who have brought the world to its knees, now pecking and clucking like chickens. Do you know the latest rumor they've conjured up in their fear-induced delirium? The one that beats my boys with a bat. The one they call "the Bear Jew" is a golem!
General Frank: Mein Fuhrer, that is just soldier's gossip. No one really believes that the Bear Jew is a golem.
[last lines]
Lt. Aldo Raine: You know somethin', Utivich? I think this might just be my masterpiece.
Joseph Goebbels: It's only the offspring of slaves that allows America to be competitive athletically. American Olympic gold can be measured in Negro sweat.
Lt. Aldo Raine: That's Sergeant Donny Donowitz. But you might know him better by his nickname... the Bearrrr Jewwwwww... Now, if you heard of Aldo the Apache, you gotta heard about the Bearrrrrr Jewwww...
Lt. Archie Hicox: Well, if this is it, old boy, I hope you don't mind I go out speaking the king's?
Major Dieter Hellstrom: By all means, Captain.
Lt. Archie Hicox: There's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. And seeing as I might be rapping on the door momentarily...
[he drinks the scotch]
Lt. Archie Hicox: I must say, damned good stuff, sir.
[pause]
Lt. Archie Hicox: Now, about this pickle we find ourselves in...
Shosanna Dreyfus: I am going to burn down the cinema on Nazi night. And if I'm going to burn down the cinema, which I am, we both know you're not going to let me do it by myself. Because you love me. And I love you. And you're the only person on this earth I can trust. But that's not all we're going to do. Does the filmmaking equipment in the attic still work? I know the film camera does. How about the sound recorder?
Marcel: Quite well, actually. I recorded a new guitarist I met in a cafe last week. It works superb. Why do we need filmmaking equipment?
Shosanna Dreyfus: Because, Marcel, my sweet, we're going to make a film. Just for the Nazis.
Bridget von Hammersmark: I can see since you didn't see what happened inside, the Nazis being there must look odd.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Yeah, we got a word for that kinda odd in English. It's called suspicious.
Col. Hans Landa: [Aldo has just killed his driver] Are you mad? What have you done? I made a deal with your general for that man's life!
Lt. Aldo Raine: Yeah, they made that deal, but they don't give a fuck about him. They need you.
Col. Hans Landa: You will be shot for this!
Lt. Aldo Raine: Naw, I don't think so. More like I'll be chewed out. I've been chewed out before.
Col. Hans Landa: Monsieur LaPadite, to both your family and your cows I say: Bravo.
Col. Hans Landa: I did have something else I wanted to ask you, but right now, for the life of me, I can't remember what it is. Oh, well, must not have been important. Till tonight.
[He leaves. Shosanna lets out a sigh of relief and starts crying]
Col. Hans Landa: [to Perrier LaPardite] I love rumors! Facts can be so misleading, where rumors, true or false, are often revealing.
Col. Hans Landa: Monsieur LaPadite, I regret to inform you I have exhausted the extent of my French. To continue to speak it so inadequately would only serve to embarrass me. However, I've been lead to believe that you speak English quite well.
Perrier LaPadite: Oui.
Col. Hans Landa: Well, it just so happens I do as well. This being your house, I ask your permission to switch back to English for the remainder of the conversation.
Sgt. Donny Donowitz: [to Butz, after beating Rachtman to death with his Louisville Slugger] Get the fuck up! You're on deck!
Col. Hans Landa: I have no doubt, and yes, some Germans will die, and yes, it will ruin the evening, and yes, Goebbels will be very, very, very mad at you for what you've done to his big night. But you won't get Hitler, you won't get Goebbels, you won't get Goering and you won't get Bormann. And you need all four to end the war. But if I do pick up that phone right there, you may very well get all four. And if you get all four, you end the war... tonight.
[he opens a bottle of Chianti]
Col. Hans Landa: So, gentlemen, let's discuss the prospect of ending the war tonight.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Well I speak the most Italian, so I'll be your escort. Donowitz speaks the second most so he'll be your Italian cameraman. Omar speaks third most, so he'll be Donny's assistant.
Pfc. Omar Ulmer: But I don't speak Italian.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Like I said, third best. Just keep your fuckin' mouth shut. In fact why don't you start practicing, right now
Col. Hans Landa: Au Revoir Shosanna!
Lt. Archie Hicox: Lieutenant Archie Hicox reporting, Sir!
General Ed Fenech: General Ed Fenech. At ease, Hicox. Drink?
Lt. Archie Hicox: If you offered me a Scotch and plain water, I could drink Scotch and plain water.
General Ed Fenech: Attaboy, Lieutenant. Make it yourself like a good chap, will you? The bar's in the globe.
Lt. Archie Hicox: Something for yourself, Sir?
General Ed Fenech: Whiskey, straight. No junk in it.
Lt. Archie Hicox: Well, if this is it, old boy, I hope you don't mind if I go out speaking the King's?
Major Dieter Hellstrom: By all means, Captain.
Lt. Archie Hicox: [Picks up his glass of scotch] There's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. Seeing as I might be rapping on the door momentarily...
[He drinks it]
Lt. Archie Hicox: I must say, damn good stuff, Sir.
[He sets his glass down and smokes his cigarette]
Lt. Archie Hicox: Now, about this pickle... we find ourselves in. It would appear there's only thing left for you to do.
Major Dieter Hellstrom: And what would that be?
Lt. Archie Hicox: Stiglitz?
Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz: Say auf wiedersehen to your Nazi balls.
[Stiglitz fires his gun into Hellstrom's crotch, Hicox and Hellstrom fire their guns at each other, and all three men are quickly killed in the ensuing
battle]
Lt. Aldo Raine: [the Basterds are breaking Sgt. Stiglitz out of jail] Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz?
[Sgt. Stiglitz nods]
Lt. Aldo Raine: Lt. Aldo Raine. These are the Basterds, ever heard of us?
[Sgt. Stiglitz nods]
Lt. Aldo Raine: We just wanted to say we're a big fan of your work. When it comes to killing Nazis...
Nazi Guard: Uggghhhhaahhh...
[one of the Basterds shoots him]
Lt. Aldo Raine: ...I think you show great talent. And I pride myself on having an eye for that kind of talent. But your status as a Nazi killer is still amateur. We all come here to see if you wanna go pro.
Sgt. Donny Donowitz: Teddy fuckin' Williams knocks it out of the park! Fenway Park on its feet for Teddy! Fuckin' ballgame! He went yardo on that one, on to fuckin' Lansdowne Street!
Lt. Aldo Raine: [trying to speaking Italian in an attempt to fool Landa to keep up his cover as an Italian actor] Gwatzeeeeee. Gwatzeeee. Gwatzeeee.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Arriverderci.
Fredrick Zoller: [shouting to the camera, acting in Nation's Pride] Who wants to send a message to Germany?
[Nation's Pride is interrupted by Shosanna's movie]
Shosanna Dreyfus: I have a message for Germany.
[Hitler and Goebbels watch in shock]
Shosanna Dreyfus: [her image on the screen smirks] That you are all going to die.
Adolf Hitler: [yelling] Enough! Stop it!
Joseph Goebbels: [yelling] Turn off the projector!
Shosanna Dreyfus: And I want you to look deep into the face of the *Jew* that is going to do it!
Joseph Goebbels: [as the audience begins to shout in protest and anger] I don't know what this is! This is not part of my movie!
Shosanna Dreyfus: [her image on the screen smiles] Marcel... burn it down.
Marcel: [standing behind the screen, he smiles] Oui, Shosanna.
Bridget von Hammersmark: I know this is a silly question before I ask it, but can you Americans speak any other language besides English?
Col. Hans Landa: [Landa and Bridget sit alone in Shoshana's office] Let me see your foot.
Bridget von Hammersmark: I beg your pardon?
Col. Hans Landa: [he pats his lap] Put your foot in my lap.
Bridget von Hammersmark: Colonel, you embarrass me.
Col. Hans Landa: I assure you, fraulein, my intention is not to flirt.
[Bridget gives in and places her foot in Landa's lap. He removes her shoe, and then places the shoe he found on her foot]
Col. Hans Landa: What's that American expression? "If the shoe fits... You must wear it."
[he removes the foot from his lap]
Bridget von Hammersmark: What now, Colonel?
Lt. Archie Hicox: What should we drink to, sir?
General Ed Fenech: Down with Hitler!
Lt. Archie Hicox: All the way down, sir.
General Ed Fenech: [On the Germans attending the film premeire] We have all our rotten eggs in one basket. The objective of the operation: blow up the basket.
I'm gonna give you a little somethin' you can't take off.
Lt. Aldo Raine
