Dr. John Watson: I've never complained! When have I ever complained about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess, your general lack of hygiene, your experiments on my dog, or the fact that you steal my clothes?
[from trailer]
Sherlock Holmes: [as Irene attacks him] Be a lady...
[Irene knees him in the crotch]
[From trailer]
[Holmes is handcuffed to the bed naked with only a pillow covering him. A maid walks in and screams]
Sherlock Holmes: Madame, I need you to remain calm and trust me, I'm a professional. Beneath this pillow lies the key to my release.
[the maid screams again and runs away]
Dr. John Watson: [from trailer] Holmes, does your depravity know no bounds?
Sherlock Holmes: No.
[from trailer]
Dr. John Watson: [to Holmes as he guzzles a liquid] You do know what you are drinking is meant for eye surgery?
Inspector Lestrade: In another life, Mr. Holmes, you would have made a great criminal.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, and you, sir, a great police officer.
Sherlock Holmes: the game's afoot
Sherlock Holmes: [Outlining his step-by-step strategy for defeating a bare-fist boxing opponent in his head, after said opponent has spat at him] First, distract target.
[In slow-motion, Holmes throws Irene Adler's handkerchief into his opponent's face]
Sherlock Holmes: Then block his blind jab. Counter with cross to left cheek. Discombobulate.
[Holmes slams his hands into both sides of his opponent's head]
Sherlock Holmes: Dazed, he'll attempt wild haymaker.
[Holmes deflects his opponent's attempted punch]
Sherlock Holmes: Weaken right jaw. Then fracture. Break cracked ribs. Heel kick to diaphragm.
[Holmes kicks his opponent through the doors of the ring]
Sherlock Holmes: . Summary: ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm hemorrhaging. Physical recovery six weeks. Full psychological recovery six months. Ability to spit at back of head neutralized.
[the action returns to the fight, which progresses in exactly the fashion Holmes outlined]
Sherlock Holmes: [Holmes is staring at a jar of flies intently, picking at his violin] Consider this, Watson. I play chromatics...
[plays a chromatic scale, the flies ignore him]
Sherlock Holmes: and nothing. However, if I play a sixth chord...
[he changes chords, the flies start flying in circles]
Sherlock Holmes: they flies in counterclockwise concentric circles. I have created order out of chaos with music.
Dr. John Watson: [amazed] How did you know to do that?
Sherlock Holmes: Trial and error, Watson. I've been at it for six hours!
Dr. John Watson: And what happens when I do this?
[he opens the jar and waves the flies away]
[after receiving a heavy punch]
Sherlock Holmes: [in French] A moment, please.
Dredger: [in French, affably] I'm in no hurry.
[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over] First point of attack, right ear. Two, throat, to muffle his scream. Three, cracked ribs. Four, sweep under right knee. In summary: neutralized. Chance of recovery: small.
Dredger: [in French] Run, little rabbit, run.
Irene Adler: Why are you always so suspicious?
Sherlock Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically?
Dr. John Watson: Get that out of my face.
Sherlock Holmes: Its not in your face, its in my hand.
Dr. John Watson: Then get what's in your hand out of my face.
Irene Adler: Ugh,they've been flirting like this for hours.
Sherlock Holmes: You have the grand gift of silence, Watson. It makes you quite invaluable as a companion.
Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] Never theorize before you have data. Invariably, you end up twisting facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.
Sherlock Holmes: It's a matter of professional integrity! No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell if a man's dead or not!
Sherlock Holmes: [after quickly determining where he is] That leaves only the mystery of why you even bothered to blindfold me in the first place.
Sherlock Holmes: Un instant s'il vous plaît.
[Holmes is brought, handcuffed, before the Home Secretary, Lord Coward. In private, Lestrade reveals that he is a member of the same secret society as Lord Coward]
Sherlock Holmes: Well, that solves the mystery of how you were promoted to Inspector.
Inspector Lestrade: Excuse me, my lord.
[Lestrade turns and punches Holmes in the stomach]
Inspector Lestrade: Your pardon, my lord. I've been wanting to do that for a long time.
Dr. John Watson: [as he's choking a thug] Don't worry, I'm a doctor.
[in a bare-knuckle boxing match, Holmes sees Irene and tries to forfeit and leave]
Sherlock Holmes: You've won, congratulations.
Big Man: I'm not done yet!
[He spits at the back of Holmes's head. Holmes stops]
Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over] This must register on an emotional level...
[in slow motion]
Sherlock Holmes: First, distract target...
[Holmes flicks a handerchief in front of his opponent's face]
Sherlock Holmes: Then block his blind jab...
[Holmes does]
Sherlock Holmes: Counter with cross to left cheek...
[Holmes does]
Sherlock Holmes: Discombobulate...
[Holmes claps his hands over his opponent's ears]
Sherlock Holmes: Dazed, will attempt wild haymaker. Weaken right jaw...
[Holmes blocks the haymaker and cracks his opponent's jaw with his elbow]
Sherlock Holmes: Now fracture...
[a cross to the jaw fractures the bone]
Sherlock Holmes: Break cracked ribs...
[a body blow cracks his ribs]
Sherlock Holmes: Heel kick to diaphragm...
[Holmes finishes with a heel kick to his opponent's chest, sending him crashing out of the cage]
Sherlock Holmes: In summary: ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm haemmorraging. Physical recovery: six weeks. Full psychological recovery: six months. Capacity to spit at back of head: neutralized.
[Back in real time, Holmes picks up the handkerchief, as though wiping the back of his neck, then does all of the foregoing in about six seconds, and knocks his opponent out of the cage]
Sherlock Holmes: It's a matter of professional integrity! No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell if a man's dead or not.
Sherlock Holmes: [after fighter has spit at the back of his head] This mustn't register on an emotional level. First, Distract target. Then block his blind jab. Counter with cross to left cheek. Discombobulate. Dazed, will attempt wild haymaker. Weaken right jaw. Now fracture. Break cracked ribs. Heel kick to diaphragm. In summary: ears ringing, jaw fractured, 3 ribs cracked, 4 broken, diaphragm hemorrhaging. Physical recovery - 6 weeks. Full psychological recovery - 6 months. Capacity to spit at back of head... neutralized.
