Цитаты из фильмов
Собрание цитат из наиболее популярных фильмов. Самые известные цитаты.
Llewelyn Moss: If I don't come back, tell mother I love her.
Carla Jean Moss: Your mother's dead, Llewelyn.
Llewelyn Moss: Well then I'll tell her myself.
Anton Chigurh: What's the most you ever lost on a coin toss.
Gas Station Proprietor: Sir?
Anton Chigurh: The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss.
Gas Station Proprietor: I don't know. I couldn't say.
[
Chigurh flips a quarter from the change on the counter and covers it with his hand]
Anton Chigurh: Call it.
Gas Station Proprietor: Call it?
Anton Chigurh: Yes.
Gas Station Proprietor: For what?
Anton Chigurh: Just call it.
Gas Station Proprietor: Well, we need to know what we're calling it for here.
Anton Chigurh: You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair.
Gas Station Proprietor: I didn't put nothin' up.
Anton Chigurh: Yes, you did. You've been putting it up your whole life you just didn't know it. You know what date is on this coin?
Gas Station Proprietor: No.
Anton Chigurh: 1958. It's been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it.
Gas Station Proprietor: Look, I need to know what I stand to win.
Anton Chigurh: Everything.
Gas Station Proprietor: How's that?
Anton Chigurh: You stand to win everything. Call it.
Gas Station Proprietor: Alright. Heads then.
[
Chigurh removes his hand, revealing the coin is indeed heads]
Anton Chigurh: Well done.
[
the gas station proprietor nervously takes the quarter with the small pile of change he's apparently won while Chigurh starts out]
Anton Chigurh: Don't put it in your pocket, sir. Don't put it in your pocket. It's your lucky quarter.
Gas Station Proprietor: Where do you want me to put it?
Anton Chigurh: Anywhere not in your pocket. Where it'll get mixed in with the others and become just a coin. Which it is.
[
Chigurh leaves and the gas station proprietor stares at him as he walks out]
Carla Jean Moss: You don't have to do this.
Anton Chigurh: [
smiles] People always say the same thing.
Carla Jean Moss: What do they say?
Anton Chigurh: They say, "You don't have to do this."
Carla Jean Moss: You don't.
Anton Chigurh: Okay.
[
Chigurh flips a coin and covers it with his hand]
Anton Chigurh: This is the best I can do. Call it.
Carla Jean Moss: I knowed you was crazy when I saw you sitting there. I knowed exactly what was in store for me.
Anton Chigurh: Call it.
Carla Jean Moss: No. I ain't gonna call it.
Anton Chigurh: Call it.
Carla Jean Moss: The coin don't have no say. It's just you.
Anton Chigurh: Well, I got here the same way the coin did.
[
first lines]
Ed Tom Bell: I was sheriff of this county when I was twenty-five years old. Hard to believe. My grandfather was a lawman; father too. Me and him was sheriffs at the same time; him up in Plano and me out here. I think he's pretty proud of that. I know I was. Some of the old time sheriffs never even wore a gun. A lotta folks find that hard to believe. Jim Scarborough'd never carry one; that's the younger Jim. Gaston Boykins wouldn't wear one up in Camanche County. I always liked to hear about the oldtimers. Never missed a chance to do so. You can't help but compare yourself against the oldtimers. Can't help but wonder how theyd've operated these times. There was this boy I sent to the 'lectric chair at Huntsville Hill here a while back. My arrest and my testimony. He killt a fourteen-year-old girl. Papers said it was a crime of passion but he told me there wasn't any passion to it. Told me that he'd been planning to kill somebody for about as long as he could remember. Said that if they turned him out he'd do it again. Said he knew he was going to hell. "Be there in about fifteen minutes". I don't know what to make of that. I sure don't. The crime you see now, it's hard to even take its measure. It's not that I'm afraid of it. I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job. But, I don't want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don't understand. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He'd have to say, "O.K., I'll be part of this world."
Nervous Accountant: Are you going to shoot me?
Anton Chigurh: That depends. Do you see me?
[
Anton has just shot the Man who hires Wells in the throat, and is standing over his body]
Anton Chigurh: [
to Nervous Accountant] Who are you?
Nervous Accountant: Me?
Anton Chigurh: Yes.
Nervous Accountant: Nobody... accounting.
Anton Chigurh: He gave the Mexicans a receiver.
[
Anton sighs]
Nervous Accountant: He feels... he felt that the more people looking
[
cut-off by Anton]
Anton Chigurh: That's foolish. You pick the one right tool.
Nervous Accountant: I see. Are you going to shoot me?
Anton Chigurh: That depends. Do you see me?
Carson Wells: [
sitting by bed] Buenos Dias. I'm guessing this isn't the future you had planned for yourself when you first clapped eyes on that money. Don't worry, I'm not the man who's after you.
Llewelyn Moss: [
in bed] I know that. I've seen him.
Carson Wells: You've seen him, and you're not dead?
Llewelyn Moss: What's this guy supposed to be, the ultimate badass?
Carson Wells: No, I wouldn't describe him as that.
Llewelyn Moss: How would you describe him?
Carson Wells: I guess I would say he doesn't have a sense of humor. His name is Chigurh.
Llewelyn Moss: Sugar?
Carson Wells: Chigurh, Anton Chigurh. Do you know how he found you?
Llewelyn Moss: Yeah, I know how he found me.
Carson Wells: Called a transponder.
Llewelyn Moss: Yeah, I know what it's called. He won't find me again.
Carson Wells: Not that way.
Llewelyn Moss: Not any way.
Carson Wells: Took me about three hours.
Llewelyn Moss: Yeah, well, I been immobile.
Carson Wells: No, you don't understand.
[
last lines]
Loretta Bell: How'd you sleep?
Ed Tom Bell: I don't know. Had dreams.
Loretta Bell: Well you got time for 'em now. Anythin' interesting?
Ed Tom Bell: They always is to the party concerned.
Loretta Bell: Ed Tom, I'll be polite.
Ed Tom Bell: Alright then. Two of 'em. Both had my father in 'em . It's peculiar. I'm older now then he ever was by twenty years. So in a sense he's the younger man. Anyway, first one I don't remember too well but it was about meeting him in town somewhere, he's gonna give me some money. I think I lost it. The second one, it was like we was both back in older times and I was on horseback goin' through the mountains of a night. Goin' through this pass in the mountains. It was cold and there was snow on the ground and he rode past me and kept on goin'. Never said nothin' goin' by. He just rode on past... and he had his blanket wrapped around him and his head down and when he rode past I seen he was carryin' fire in a horn the way people used to do and I could see the horn from the light inside of it. 'Bout the color of the moon. And in the dream I knew that he was goin' on ahead and he was fixin' to make a fire somewhere out there in all that dark and all that cold, and I knew that whenever I got there he would be there. And then I woke up.
Wendell: We goin' in?
Ed Tom Bell: Gun out and up.
Wendell: [
Wendell draws his pistol] What about yours?
Ed Tom Bell: I'm hidin' behind you.
Ellis: Whatcha got ain't nothin new. This country's hard on people, you can't stop what's coming, it ain't all waiting on you. That's vanity.
Wendell: That's very linear Sheriff.
Ed Tom Bell: Well, age will flatten a man.
Ed Tom Bell: You ride Winston.
Wendell: You sure?
Ed Tom Bell: Oh I'm sure. Anything happens to Loretta's horse, I can tell ya I don't want to be the party that was on board.
Ed Tom Bell: Now that's aggravatin'.
Wendell: Sheriff?
Ed Tom Bell: [
points to a bottle of milk] Still sweatin'.
Wendell: Whoa, Sheriff! We just missed him! We gotta circulate this! On Radio!
Ed Tom Bell: Alright. What we circulate? Lookin' for a man who has recently drunk milk?
Wendell: You know, there might not have been no money.
Ed Tom Bell: That's possible.
Wendell: But you don't believe it.
Ed Tom Bell: No. Probably I don't.
Wendell: It's a mess, ain't it, sheriff?
Ed Tom Bell: If it ain't, it'll do till the mess gets here.
Wendell: You think this boy Moss has got any notion of the sorts of sons of bitches that're huntin' him?
Ed Tom Bell: I don't know, he ought to. He's seen the same things I've seen, and it's certainly made an impression on me.
Man who hires Wells: [
about Chigurh] Just how dangerous is he?
Carson Wells: Compared to what? The bubonic plague?
Anton Chigurh: [
indicating bag of cashews] How much?
Gas Station Proprietor: Sixty-nine cent.
Anton Chigurh: This. And the gas.
Gas Station Proprietor: Y'all gettin' any rain up your way?
Anton Chigurh: What way would that be?
Gas Station Proprietor: I seen you was from Dallas.
Anton Chigurh: What business is it of yours where I'm from, friendo?
Gas Station Proprietor: I didn't mean nothin' by it.
Anton Chigurh: Didn't mean nothin'.
Gas Station Proprietor: I was just passin' the time.
Anton Chigurh: Just passin' the time.
Gas Station Proprietor: Well sir I apologize. If you don't wanna accept that I don't know what else to do for you. Will there be something else?
Anton Chigurh: I don't know. Will there?
Gas Station Proprietor: Is somethin' wrong?
Anton Chigurh: With what?
Gas Station Proprietor: With anything?
Anton Chigurh: Is that what you're asking me? Is there something wrong with anything?
Gas Station Proprietor: Will there be anything else?
Anton Chigurh: You already asked me that.
Gas Station Proprietor: Well... I need to see about closin'.
Anton Chigurh: See about closing.
Gas Station Proprietor: Yessir.
Anton Chigurh: What time do you close?
Gas Station Proprietor: Now. We close now.
Anton Chigurh: Now is not a time. What time do you close?
Man who hires Wells: Did I say you could sit?
Carson Wells: No, but you strike me as a man who wouldn't want to waste his chair.
Llewelyn Moss: [
talking over phone] Hello?
Anton Chigurh: Yes?
Llewelyn Moss: Is uh, Carson Wells there?
Anton Chigurh: Not in the sense that you mean. You need to come see me.
Llewelyn Moss: Who is this?
Anton Chigurh: You know who it is. You need to talk to me.
Llewelyn Moss: I don't need to talk to you.
Anton Chigurh: I think you do. Do you know where I'm going?
Llewelyn Moss: Why would I care where you're going?
Anton Chigurh: I know where you are.
Llewelyn Moss: Yeah? Where am I?
Anton Chigurh: You're in the hospital across the river, but that's not where I'm going. Do you know where I'm going?
[
blood flows on the floor, and so Chigurh lifts his feet and rests them on the bed]
Llewelyn Moss: Yeah, I know where you're going.
Anton Chigurh: Alright.
Llewelyn Moss: You know she won't be there.
Anton Chigurh: It doesn't make any difference where she is.
Llewelyn Moss: So what are you going up there for?
Anton Chigurh: You know how this is going to turn out, don't you?
Llewelyn Moss: Nope.
Anton Chigurh: I think you do. So this is what I'll offer - you bring me the money and I'll let her go. Otherwise she's accountable, same as you. That's the best deal you're gonna get. I won't tell you you can save yourself, because you can't.
Llewelyn Moss: Yeah, I'm going to bring you something, alright. I decided to make you a special project of mine. You ain't going have to come looking for me at all.
[
Moss hangs up the phone]
Carla Jean Moss: Llewelyn?
Llewelyn Moss: Yeah?
Carla Jean Moss: What are you doing, baby?
Llewelyn Moss: I'm going out.
Carla Jean Moss: Going where?
Llewelyn Moss: There's something I forgot to do, but I'll be back.
Carla Jean Moss: And what are you going to do?
Llewelyn Moss: I'm fixin' to do something dumber than hell, but I'm going anyways.
Anton Chigurh: I'm looking for Llewelyn Moss.
Desert Aire Manager: Did you go up to his trailer?
Anton Chigurh: Yes, I did.
Desert Aire Manager: Well, I'd say he's at work. Do you want to leave a message?
Anton Chigurh: Where does he work?
Desert Aire Manager: I can't say.
Anton Chigurh: Where does he work?
Desert Aire Manager: Sir, I ain't at liberty to give out no information about our residents.
Anton Chigurh: Where does he work?
Desert Aire Manager: Did you not hear me? We can't give out no information.
Boy on Bike #2: Look at that fucking bone.
Wendell: Aw, hells bells. They even shot the dog!
"Managerial" Victim #2: [
to Chigurh] Mind riding bitch?
"Managerial" Victim #1: That's a dead dog.
Anton Chigurh: Yes it is.
Boy on Bike #2: Mister? You got a bone stickin' out of your arm.
Anton Chigurh: Let me just sit here a minute.
Carla Jean Moss: Where'd you get the pistol?
Llewelyn Moss: At the gettin' place.
Carla Jean Moss: Did you buy that gun?
Llewelyn Moss: No. I found it.
Carla Jean Moss: Llewelyn!
Llewelyn Moss: What? Quit hollerin'.
Carla Jean Moss: What'd you give for that thing?
Llewelyn Moss: You don't need to know everything, Carla Jean.
Carla Jean Moss: I need to know that.
Llewelyn Moss: You keep runnin' that mouth I'm gonna' take you in the back and screw ya'.
Carla Jean Moss: Big talk.
Llewelyn Moss: Keep it up.
Carla Jean Moss: Fine. I don't wanna' know. I don't even wanna' know where you been all day.
Llewelyn Moss: That'll work.
Loretta Bell: Be careful.
Ed Tom Bell: I always am.
Loretta Bell: Don't get hurt.
Ed Tom Bell: I never do.
Loretta Bell: Don't hurt no one.
Ed Tom Bell: [
smiles] Well. If you say so.
Carson Wells: [
Wells sits back and studies Moss] What do you do?
Llewelyn Moss: I'm retired.
Carson Wells: What did you do?
Llewelyn Moss: Welder.
Carson Wells: Acetylene? Mig? Tig?
Llewelyn Moss: Any of it. If it can be welded I can weld it.
Carson Wells: Cast iron?
Llewelyn Moss: Yeah.
Carson Wells: I don't mean braze.
Llewelyn Moss: I didn't say braze.
Carson Wells: Pot metal?
Llewelyn Moss: [
annoyed] What did I say?
Llewelyn Moss: Medico... por favor.
Llewelyn Moss: [
after finding the drug crime scene] ... Where's the last guy? Ultimo hombre. Last man standing, must've been one.
Carla Jean Moss: What's in the satchel?
Llewelyn Moss: It's full of money.
Carla Jean Moss: [
sarcastically] Yeah, that'll be the day.
Carla Jean Moss: I got a bad feeling, Llewelyn.
Llewelyn Moss: Well I got a good feeling, so that should even out.
Wendell: [
referring to the dead bodies in the desert] How come you reckon the coyotes ain't been at them?
Ed Tom Bell: I don't know. Supposedly, a coyote won't eat a Mexican.
Ed Tom Bell: But I think once you quit hearing "sir" and "ma'am," the rest is soon to foller.
Carla Jean Moss: Sheriff, was that a true story about Charlie Walser?
Ed Tom Bell: Who's Charlie Walser? Oh! Well... uh... a true story? I couldn't swear to every detail but it's certainly true that it is a story.
Ed Tom Bell: You know Charlie Walser? Has the place east of Sanderson? Well you know how they used to slaughter beeves, hit 'em with a maul right here to stun 'em... and then up and slit their throats? Well here Charlie has one trussed up and all set to drain him and the beef comes to. It starts thrashing around, six hundred pounds of very pissed-off livestock if you'll pardon me... Charlie grabs his gun there to shoot the damn thing in the head but what with the swingin' and twistin' it's a glance-shot and ricochets around and comes back hits Charlie in the shoulder. You go see Charlie, he still can't reach up with his right hand for his hat... Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer the issue is not certain.
Carson Wells: Call me when you've had enough. I can even let you keep a little of the money.
Llewelyn Moss: If I was cuttin' deals, why wouldn't I go deal with this guy Chigurh?
Carson Wells: No no. No. You don't understand. You can't make a deal with him. Even if you gave him the money he'd still kill you. He's a peculiar man. You could even say that he has principles. Principles that transcend money or drugs or anything like that. He's not like you. He's not even like me.
Llewelyn Moss: He don't talk as much as you, I give him points for that.
Anton Chigurh: And you know what's going to happen now. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it.
Carson Wells: You go to hell.
Anton Chigurh: Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?
Carson Wells: Do you have any idea how goddamn crazy you are?
Anton Chigurh: You mean the nature of this conversation?
Carson Wells: I mean the nature of you.
Ed Tom Bell: How many of those things you got now?
Ellis: Cats? Several. Well, depends what you mean by got. Some are half-wild, and some are just outlaws.
Ed Tom Bell: That man that shot you died in prison.
Ellis: Angola. Yeah...
Ed Tom Bell: What you'd done he had been released?
Ellis: Oh, I dunno. Nothing. Wouldn't be no point in it.
Ed Tom Bell: I'm kindly surprised to hear you say that.
Ellis: Well all the time ya spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it. Your granddad never asked me to sign on as a deputy.
Ed Tom Bell: [
talking to Ellis] I always figured when I got older, God would sorta come inta my life somehow. And he didn't. I don't blame him. If I was him I would have the same opinion of me that he does.
Llewelyn Moss: And by anybody I mean any swingin' dick.
Ed Tom Bell: Here last week they found this couple out in California. They rent out rooms for old people, kill'em, bury'em in the yard, cash their social security checks. Well, they'd tortur'em first, I don't know why. Maybe the television set was broke.
Carson Wells: I was wondering...
Man who hires Wells: Yes?
Carson Wells: Could you validate my parking ticket?
Man who hires Wells: An attempt at humor, I suppose.
Carson Wells: I'm sorry... You know, I counted the floors to this building from the street.
Man who hires Wells: [
sighs] And?
Carson Wells: There's one missing.
Man who hires Wells: [
sarcastically] We'll look into it.
Carson Wells: Do you have any idea how crazy you are?
Anton Chigurh: You mean the nature of this conversation?
Carson Wells: I mean the nature of *you*.
Anton Chigurh: Step out of your car, please.
Carla Jean's Mother: It's not often you see a Mexican in a suit.
Ed Tom Bell: The motel in Del Rio?
Wendell: Yes, sir. None of the three had I.D. on 'em, but they're tellin' me all three is Mexican... was Mexicans.
Ed Tom Bell: There's a question, whether they stopped being and when.
Wendell: Yes, sir.
El Paso Sheriff: Yea, well, none of that explains your man though.
Ed Tom Bell: Uh-huh.
El Paso Sheriff: He's just a goddamn homicidal lunatic, Ed Tom.
Ed Tom Bell: I'm not sure he's a lunatic.
El Paso Sheriff: Yea well what would you call him?
Ed Tom Bell: Well, sometimes I think he's pretty much a ghost.
El Paso Sheriff: Oh he's real all right.
Ed Tom Bell: Oh yea.
El Paso Sheriff: Yea all that over at the Eagle Hotel? Huh, it's beyond everything.
Ed Tom Bell: Yea. Got some hard bark on him.
El Paso Sheriff: Well... , well that don't hardly say it. He shoots the desk clerk one day, walks right back in the next and shoots a retired army colonel.
Boot Salesman: [
Moss walks in wearing his hospital robe] How those Larry's holdin' up?
Llewelyn Moss: Uh, oh, good. Good! I need everything else.
Boot Salesman: OK.
Llewelyn Moss: Lotta people come in here without any clothes on?
Boot Salesman: No sir, it's unusual.
Young Ed Bloom: Sandra Templeton, I love you and I WILL marry you.
Senior Ed Bloom: Truth is, I've always been thirsty.
Young Ed Bloom: There's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue. The truth is I've always been a fool.
Senior Ed Bloom: You are in for a surprise.
Will Bloom: Am I?
Senior Ed Bloom: Havin' a kid changes everything. There's burping, the midnight feeding, and the changing.
Will Bloom: You do any of that?
Senior Ed Bloom: No But I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill his head with nonsense, and still it turns out perfectly fine.
Will Bloom: You think I'm up for it?
Senior Ed Bloom: You learned from the best.
Senior Ed Bloom: People needn't worry so much. It's not my time yet. This is not how I go.
Will Bloom: Really?
Senior Ed Bloom: Truly. I saw it in the eye.
Will Bloom: The old lady by the swamp?
Senior Ed Bloom: She was a *witch*.
Will Bloom: No, she was old and probably senile.
Senior Ed Bloom: I saw my death in that eye, and this isn't how it happens.
Will Bloom: So how does it happen?
Senior Ed Bloom: Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you.
Senior Ed Bloom: I don't know if you're aware of this, Josephine, but African parrots, in their native home of the Congo, they speak only French.
Josephine: Really?
Senior Ed Bloom: You're lucky to get four words out of them in English, but if you were to walk through the jungle, you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French. Those parrots talk about everything. Politics, movies, fashion. Everything but religion.
Will Bloom: Why not religion, Dad?
Senior Ed Bloom: It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're gonna offend.
Will Bloom: Josephine actually went to the Congo last year.
Senior Ed Bloom: Oh, so you know.
Amos Calloway: Tell me, Karl, have you ever heard the term "involuntary servitude"?
Karl: No.
Amos Calloway: "Unconscionable contract"?
Karl: Uh, nope.
Amos Calloway: Great!
Young Ed Bloom: I just saw the woman I'm going to marry. I know it. But I lost her.
Amos Calloway: Oh, tough break. Well, most men have to get married *before* they lose their wives.
Young Ed Bloom: I'm gonna spend every day for the rest of my life looking for her. That, or die alone!
Amos Calloway: Damn, kid. Lemme guess. Real pretty? Reddish-blondish hair? Blue dress?
Young Ed Bloom: Yeah!
Amos Calloway: I know her uncle. Friends of the family.
Young Ed Bloom: Who is she? Where does she live?
Amos Calloway: Forget it kid, don't waste your time. She's out of your league.
Young Ed Bloom: What do you mean? You don't even know me.
Amos Calloway: Sure I do! You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat! You don't have a plan, you don't have a job, you don't have anything except the clothes on your back.
Will Bloom: You know about icebergs, dad?
Senior Ed Bloom: Do I? I saw an iceberg once. They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water. They didn't count on there being an elephant frozen inside. The wooly kind. A mammoth.
Will Bloom: Dad!
Senior Ed Bloom: What?
Will Bloom: I'm trying to make a metaphor here.
Senior Ed Bloom: Well you shouldn't have started with a question, because most people want to answer questions. You should've started with "the thing about icebergs is."
Young Ed Bloom: Now I may not have much, but I have more determination then any man you're ever likely to meet.
Will Bloom: I know better than to argue romance with a French woman.
Senior Ed Bloom: I've been nothin' but myself since the day I was born, and if you can't see that it's your failin', not mine.
Will Bloom: We have to take Glenville to avoid the church traffic because the damn church people drive too slow.
Senior Ed Bloom: There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost... the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is... I've always been a fool.
Karl: I don't want to eat you. I just get so hungry. I'm just too big.
Young Ed Bloom: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're not too big? That maybe this place is just too small?
Young Ed Bloom: There are some fish that cannot be caught. It's not that they're faster or stronger than other fish. They're just touched by something extra.
Will Bloom: A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.
Senior Ed Bloom: I caught an uncatchable fish.
Amos Calloway: Her favorite flower is daffodils
Young Ed Bloom: Daffodils.
[smiles]
Senior Ed Bloom: And that's my life story.
Will Bloom: In telling the story of my father's life, it's impossible to separate fact from fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is to tell it the way he told me. It doesn't always make sense and most of it never happened... but that's what kind of story this is.
Ping: [in Cantonese, to Edward who was hiding in the dressing room] Who are you?
Young Ed Bloom: [In Cantonese] Please, I'm not going to hurt you.
Jing: [In Cantonese] Damn right you're not! GUARD!
Young Ed Bloom: You don't know me, but my name's Edward Bloom... And I love you.
Senior Sandra Bloom: I don't think I'll ever dry out.
Young Ed Bloom: I can't go back, I'm a human sacrifice.
Josephine: I'd like to take your picture.
Senior Ed Bloom: Oh, you don't need a picture. Just look up "handsome" in the dictionary.
Will Bloom: You become what you always were - a very big fish.
Young Ed Bloom: This isn't how I die.
Senior Ed Bloom: They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true. What they don't tell you is that when it starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.
Young Ed Bloom: Your last name is different. You married.
Jenny: I was 18, he was 28. Turns out it was a big difference.
[Amos returns from the woods after being a wolf for a night]
Amos Calloway: Didn't kill anything, did I?
Young Ed Bloom: A couple of rabbits, but I think one of 'em was already dead.
Amos Calloway: That would explain the indigestion.
Senior Ed Bloom: [quoting his mother] "The milkman just dropped dead on the porch." Because see, my mother was banging the milkman.
Senior Ed Bloom: Tell me how it happens.
Will Bloom: How what happens?
Senior Ed Bloom: How I go.
Will Bloom: You mean you saw in the Eye? I dunno that story, Dad, you never told it to me.
Young Ed Bloom: There comes a point when any reasonable man will swallow his pride and admit he made a mistake. The truth is... I was never a reasonable man.
Senior Ed Bloom: I've told you a thousand facts, Will, that's what I do. I tell stories.
Will Bloom: You tell lies, Dad.
Senior Ed Bloom: Sometimes, the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring.
Amos Calloway: She likes music.
Young Ed Bloom: [smiles] Music. She likes music.
Young Jenny: Promise me you'll come back
Young Ed Bloom: I promise. Someday. When I'm really supposed to.
[a poem he's worked on 12 years, written on a note pad]
Norther Winslow: The grass so green. Skies so blue. Spectre is really great!
Norther Winslow: Roses are red. Violets are blue. I love Spectre.
Senior Dr. Bennett: Did your father ever tell you about the day you were born?
Will Bloom: A thousand times. He caught an uncatchable fish.
Senior Dr. Bennett: Not that one. The real story. Did he ever tell you that?
Will Bloom: No.
Senior Dr. Bennett: Your mother came in about three in the afternoon. Her neighbor drove her, on account of your father was on business in Wichita. You were born a week early, but there were no complications. It was a perfect delivery. Now, your father was sorry to miss it, but it wasn't the custom for the men to be in the room for deliveries then, so I can't see as it would have been much different had he been there. And that's the real story of how you were born. Not very exciting, is it? And I suppose if I had to choose between the true version and an elaborate one involving a fish and a wedding ring, I might choose the fancy version. But that's just me.
Will Bloom: I kind of liked your version.
Wilbur (Age 10): Is it true she's got a glass eye? I heard she got it from the gypsies...
Young Don Price: What's a gypsy?
Ed Bloom (Age 10): Your momma's a gypsy.
Young Don Price: Your momma's a bitch.
Little Girl: He ate mah dawg.
Will Bloom: [to Ed] You're like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny combined - just as charming, and just as fake.
Will Bloom: Church people drive too slow.
Amos Calloway: You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean and your drownin'. Take my advice, go back to Puddleville; you'll be happy there.
[talking about the witch]
Zacky Price (Age 10): She'll make soap out of you. That's what she does. She makes soap out of people.
Senior Ed Bloom: Most men, they'll tell you a story straight through. It won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either.
Will Bloom: Unbelievable.
Senior Ed Bloom: The story of my life.
Will Bloom: A man tells so many stories, that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.
[When meeting young Sandra Templeton for the first time]
Young Ed Bloom: You don't know me but my name is Edward Bloom and I love you.
Senior Ed Bloom: It's rude to talk about religion, you never know who you're gonna offend.
[Ed and Norther are in line at a bank together]
Young Ed Bloom: And now what are you doing?
Norther Winslow: I'm robbin' this place!
Sandra Bloom: [of Edward to her fiance] He's almost a stranger, and I prefer him to you!
Karl: Friend, what happened to your shoes?
Young Ed Bloom: [Looking down at his feet] They kinda got ahead of me.
Will Bloom: Everybody's there, and I mean everybody. And the strange thing is, there's not a sad face to be found, everyone's just so happy to see you.
Amos Calloway: I haven't seen a customer this depressed since the elephant sat on that farmer's wife!
Amos Calloway: [laughs, beat]
Amos Calloway: Depressed?
[Karl laughs]
Amos Calloway: See, the big guy likes it.
Young Ed Bloom: I just saw the woman I'm going to marry, and I lost her.
Young Ed Bloom: It was that night I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked are simply lonely, and lacking in the social niceties.
Sandra Bloom: You don't even know me.
Young Ed Bloom: I have the rest of my life to find out.
Ed Bloom (Age 10): I was thinking about death and all. About seeing how you're gonna die. I mean, on one hand, if dying was all you thought about, it could kind of screw you up. But it could kind of help you, couldn't it? Because you'd know that everything else you can survive.
Josephine: Oh, so this is a tall tale?
Senior Ed Bloom: Well, it's not a short one.
Young Ed Bloom: She said that the biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught.
Jenny: I loved a man who could never love me back. I was living in a fairytale.
Young Jenny: There's leaches in there.
Young Ed Bloom: Did you see that woman?
Young Jenny: What did she look like?
Young Ed Bloom: Well, she was, uh...
Young Jenny: Was she naked?
Young Ed Bloom: Yeah, she was.
Young Jenny: It's not a woman. It's a fish. No one's ever catched her.
Josephine: [the phoe rings as a pregnant Josephine and Will come home from the grocery store, she lays the bags down and answers the phone] Qui appelle? Yes. Yes, he's here.
[she turns to Will and extends the phone]
Josephine: It's your mother.
Will Bloom: [he takes the phone] Hi.
[he holds up a 'one second' sign as he talks to her]
Will Bloom: What does Dr.Bennet say? No, sure, I'll talk to him. Yeah, I'll wait.
Josephine: It's bad?
Will Bloom: Yeah, it's more than they thought. They're gonna stop chemo.
Josephine: You need to go.
Will Bloom: Probably tonight.
Josephine: I'm going with you.
Will Bloom: No, no, no. You shouldn't.
[he places his hand on Josephine's stomach]
Josephine: I'm going with you.
[Will strokes her face]
Norther Winslow: I've been working on this poem for 12 years.
Young Ed Bloom: Really?
Norther Winslow: There's a lot of expectation. I don't wanna disappoint my fans.
Young Ed Bloom: May I?
Young Ed Bloom: [Edward reeds the poem on the notebook ] The grass so green Skies so blue. Spectre is really great!
Young Ed Bloom: It's only three lines long.
Norther Winslow: This is why you should never show a work in progress.
Norther Winslow: Roses are red. Violets are blue. I love Spectre...
Oogway: There are no accidents.
Po: Do you want to go get some food?
Po: Careful, that soup is - sharp!
[serving a noodle bowl to a customer into which he accidentally pitched a throwing star]
Po: Skadoosh!
Po: There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness.
Tai Lung: You... you're just a big... fat... panda!
Po: I'm not a big fat panda. I'm *the* big fat panda.
Tai Lung: The Wuxi finger hold!
Po: Oh, you know this hold?
Tai Lung: You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that.
Po: Nope. I figured it out. Skadoosh!
Oogway: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.
[first lines]
Po: Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend.
Po: It is said that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness!
Mr. Ping: We are noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins.
Tigress: It is said that the Dragon Warrior can go for months without eating, surviving on the dew of a single ginko leaf and the energy of the universe.
Po: Then I guess my body doesn't know I'm the Dragon Warrior yet. It's gonna take a lot more than dew, and, uh, universe juice.
[as Po bounces down the palace steps]
Tigress: If he's smart, he won't come back up those steps.
Monkey: But he will.
Viper: He's not gonna quit is he?
Mantis: He's not gonna quit bouncing, I'll tell you that.
Tigress: You would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who knows kung fu.
Crane: Or be able to touch his toes.
Monkey: Or see his toes.
Po: The Furious Five! You look a lot bigger than your action figures! Except you, Mantis. You're about the same.
Po: The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can get cut just by looking at - Ow!
Viper: Are you ready?
Po: I was born read...
[Viper attacks, Po is flung and lands on his head]
Viper: I'm sorry, Brother! I thought you said you were ready.
Po: That was awesome! Let's go again!
Shifu: Po, you're alive... or we're both dead.
Mantis: I'm sorry. It's just so hard to find the nerve centers under all this...
Po: Fat?
Mantis: Fur. I was gonna say fur.
Tai Lung: But he's a panda!
[incredulous]
Tai Lung: You're a panda!
Oogway: [walking towards Po] Ah! It seems that you have found the peach tree of wisdom!
Po: [Po turns around with a lot of peaches stuffed in his mouth] Oh! Is that what this is? I'm so sorry! I just thought it was a regular peach tree!
[watching Tai-Lung break out of his prison restraints]
Zeng: We're dead. Very, very dead.
Tai Lung: What are you going to, big guy? Sit on me?
Po: Don't tempt me.
Po: I just ate... so my kung fu may not be as good as later on.
Shifu: Believe me, citizens, you have not seen anything yet!
Po: I know!
Shifu: [Intercepting Po, who is fleeing the temple after learning he has to face Tai Lung soon.] You cannot leave! A real warrior never quits!
Po: Watch me!
[tries to run around Shifu]
Po: Come on! How am I supposed to beat Tai Lung? I can't even beat you to the stairs!
Shifu: You will beat him because you are the Dragon Warrior!
[pokes Po in his stomach]
Po: You don't believe that!
[Shifu swipes at his hand with Oogway's stick]
Po: You never believed that! From the first moment I got here, you've been trying to get rid of me!
[Shifu knocks him to the ground]
Shifu: Yes! I was! But now I ask you to trust in your master as I have come to trust in mine.
Po: You're not my master. And I'm not the Dragon Warrior.
Shifu: Then why didn't you quit? You knew I was trying to get rid of you, yet you stayed!
Po: Yeah, I stayed. I stayed because everytime you threw a brick at my head or said I smelled; it hurt, but it could never hurt more than everyday of my life just being me. I stayed because I thought if anyone can change me, can make me not me, it was you! The greatest kung fu teacher in all of China!
Shifu: I can change you! I can turn you into the Dragon Warrior! And I will!
Po: Come on! Tai Lung is on his way here right now! And even if it takes him a hundred years to get here, how are *you* gonna change *this* into the Dragon Warrior? Huh? How? How? How!
Shifu: I don't know!
[sighs]
Shifu: I don't know.
Po: [sighs and frowns sadly] That's what I thought.
Shifu: But who? Who is worthy to be trusted with the secret to limitless power? To become the Dragon Warrior?
Oogway: I don't know.
Po: No! The Legendary Urn of Whispering Warriors; said to contain the souls of the entire Tenshu Army!
[pauses before whispering]
Po: Hello?
Shifu: Have you finished sight-seeing?
Po: [gasp] Sorry, I should've come to see you first.
Shifu: My patience is wearing thin.
Po: Oh, well it's not like you were going anywhere.
Shifu: Our only hope is the Dragon Warrior.
Tigress: The panda?
Shifu: Yes, the panda!
Tigress: Master, please!
[pushes chair out]
Tigress: Let us stop Tai Lung, this is what you've trained us for!
Shifu: No! It is not your destiny to defeat Tai Lung, it is his!
[points at Po, then realizes he's not there]
Shifu: Where'd he go?
Oogway: One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.
Shifu: When you focus on kung fu, when you concentrate, you stink.
[Po frowns]
Shifu: But perhaps that is my fault. I cannot train you the way I have trained the Five. I now see that the way to get through to you is with this.
[pulls out a bowl of dumplings]
Po: Oh great, 'cause I am hungry!
Shifu: [laughs] Good. When you have been trained, you may eat. Let's begin.
Tigress: This is just a big joke to you.
[Po makes weird face and Tigress goes to slap him with claws]
Mantis: Wait, wait, my fault! I tweaked his facial nerves! And may have also stopped his heart.
Po: [looking around at the historical artifacts in the palace] Wow! I've only seen paintings of that painting!
Tai Lung: I have come home, master.
Shifu: This is no longer your home and I am no longer your master.
Tai Lung: Oh yes. You have a new favorite. So where is this Po?
[chuckles]
Tai Lung: Did I scare him off?
Shifu: This battle is between you and me.
Tai Lung: So, that is how it's going to be.
Shifu: That is how it must be.
Tai Lung: [growls] I rotted in jail for 20 years because of *your* weakness!
Shifu: Obeying your master is not weakness!
Tai Lung: You knew I was the Dragon Warrior! You always knew! But when Oogway said otherwise, what did you do? What did you do? Nothing!
Shifu: You were not meant to be the Dragon Warrior, that was not my fault!
Tai Lung: Not your fault? Who filled my head with dreams? Who drove me to train until my bones cracked? Who did I feed my destiny!
Shifu: It was never my decision to make!
Tai Lung: [snarls and holds up Oogway's stick] It is now.
Po: Maybe I should just quit and go back to selling noodles.
Oogway: Quit, don't quit? Noodles, don't noodles?
